• Mark Joseph

An interview with Gina Spott

We tried to get Ms. Spott to sit for a professional picture, but it just didn't work out
We tried to get Ms. Spott to sit for a professional picture, but it just didn't work out

A proud high school dropout, Gina Spott has come a long way from her time as the number one actress for Triple X Double D Studios in Freedom Bluff. She’s conquered her addiction to crack cocaine and fought to clean up her reputation as the town whore. Now, she wants to be the mayor of Freedom Bluff.

I was lucky enough to catch up with Ms. Spott in between campaign stops.

Mark: What qualifies you to be the mayor of Freedom Bluff?

Gina: I think the better question is what qualifies anyone to be anything? I was eighteen and a virgin when I did my first movie. I didn’t know what the heck I was doing. But I muddled through it and became the hottest actress in the porn industry a year later.

Mark: Well, that’s true. Freedom in the Buff is still one of Triple X’s best sellers, isn’t it?

Gina: It is. Have you seen it?

Mark: I don’t really feel like that’s pertinent information at the moment. If you’re elected, what will you bring to Freedom Bluff that Mayor Corkenburger hasn’t?

Gina: I love Corky. Everyone loves Corky. But he’s just too damn old. Freedom Bluff needs to be refreshed. It’s 2022. The world is different and much more advanced than when Corky took office.

Mark: He was just elected two years ago.

Gina: A lot has changed in two years. We’ve gone from Covid to Monkeypox. I’m no longer smoking crack. And I just graduated from Freedom Bluff Community College.

Mark: Since you brought it up, what do you say when you hear people calling you a crack-whore?

Gina: I laugh. People don’t really know the first thing about me. I was never a whore when I was smoking crack. I was before and maybe I am a little bit now. But never when I was on crack. The whole nickname is a misnomer. Did I use that word right?

Mark: Yes.

Gina: Good. It seems like it should be called misnamer. Because–

Mark: I get it. Let’s talk a little bit about what you want to do for Freedom Bluff. What is your platform?

Gina: I have a lot of platforms, but I don’t really like them. They give me blisters. If I’m not wearing high heels, I’m in my slippers.

Mark: Jesus Christ. Why should people vote for you?

Gina: Look at me. I’m still hot. And I’m going to bring that hotness to Freedom Bluff.

Mark: I’m scared to ask, but what do you mean by that?

Gina: A lot of my old castmates need jobs. And they all still look great. Ana L. Ryder is going to be my chief of staff. Cherry P. Opper is going to be my driver. I’m even thinking of bringing Dee Style on board.

Mark: You do realize being the mayor of Freedom Bluff is only a part-time job, right? You won’t need a chief of staff or a driver. What did you have planned for Mr. Style?

Gina: It doesn’t matter. Dee Style isn’t one dimensional. He can handle any position.

Mark: Okay. I feel like this interview has run its course. I’m going to go take a shower.