• Mark Joseph

An interview with Mayor Carlyle “Corky” Corkenburger

Mayor Corkenburger's reply to me after I texted him that I'm on my way to the interview
Mayor Corkenburger's reply to me after I texted him that I'm on my way to the interview

Carlyle “Corky” Corkenburger has lived in Freedom Bluff for every one of his eighty-three years, minus the three he spent in a State of Texas prison in Huntsville. He has served as the Mayor of Freedom Bluff since November, 2020. Before that he was handyman, roofer, pest control specialist, landscaper, window installer, alarm technician, and door-to-door salesman.

I was lucky enough to catch up with Corky in between bathroom visits.

Mark: I think a lot of people want to know how your nickname, Corky, came about.

Corky: Granddaddy drank a lot. His beverage of choice was champagne. Every time he would pop open a bottle, I would collect the corks.

Mark: I didn’t see that coming. The other question I’m sure you get a lot is why were you in prison?

Corky: I wouldn’t really call it a prison, per se.

Mark: Isn’t Huntsville where the State of Texas executes prisoners?

Corky: Yes.

Mark: I think you were in prison, Corky.

Corky: Look, just because I did jobs that allowed me to enter other people’s homes on a daily basis, and I happened to own a lot of the same things that people had stolen doesn’t mean I’m a criminal.

Mark: We’re just going to have to disagree to agree on that. What do you want to tell the citizens of Freedom Bluff about your tenure as mayor?

Corky: They should know that Freedom Bluff is going places. We’ve been doing a lot of fun things with eminent domain. And I’ve been talking to developers about building more homes. I’m just trying to find one who’s willing to…never mind.

Mark: Never mind what?

Corky: It’s classified.

Mark: What do you say to the people who claim you’re senile?

Corky: First of all, it’s not my fault that I keep texting that fucking unicorn with the exploding head. My phone has a mind of its own.

Mark: And the farting?

Corky: I don’t fart. People think I’m farting, but it’s just my phone vibrating.

Mark: Does your phone give off a scent of stale potato chips and rotten eggs as well?

Corky: Who knows what the hell these new iPhones do?

Mark: What do you think of your opponent, Gina Spott?

Corky: I’ll tell you what, she’s a helluva an actress. Freedom in the Buff is one of my favorite movies.

Mark: Does that mean you might vote for her?

Corky: It all depends.

Mark: On what?

Corky: Whether or not I can find the right developer before the election.

Mark: It kind of sounds like you’re up to no good, Corky. Are you trying to get a developer to pay you under the table?

Corky: Hell no! I’ll take that cash on top of the table. Just as long as it’s in small denominations.

Mark: Okay, Corky. I think it’s time to take your pills.