The Scamp vs. The Tramp #voteearlyvoteoften.jpg
  • Sally Lipshank

Cleveland Guardians fans plan payback for Yankees outfielders


Guardians' manager, Terry Francona, tries to remember why the fuck he took the job in the first place
Guardians' manager, Terry Francona, tries to remember why the fuck he took the job in the first place

Shithole, Ohio–After watching their “favorite” outfielders get pelted with water bottles, half-eaten hotdogs, gum wrappers, and cheese doodles at Yankee Stadium yesterday, some Cleveland Guardians fans have begun to work on a retaliatory attack for when the Bronx Bombers visit Progressive Field in July.


“It just makes me sick to my stomach what those Yankee fans did,” Sal Pastarelli, a shorttime fan, said in a comment on a Guardians’ Facebook fan page named “We all suck together.”


“I don’t know who the hell Myles Straw or Oscar Mercado are, but they suck just as much as we do. And people who suck need to stick together. When I see Aaron Judge in the outfield, I’m going to disbar his ass with some serious smack.”


When another member of the fan page asked what he was going to say, Pastarelli replied, “Not sure yet, bro, but you can bet it’s going to be epic. Maybe something like, ‘Hey, Judge, time to put down the gavel.’ Or I might try to yell really loud when a fly ball comes his way.”


Another fan, Gail Abdoer, commented, “Oh, hell yes. It’s on like the stove is on when I’m cooking mac and cheese. I’m already making signs. One says, ‘Go home, Yankees.’ Another just says, ‘Boo.’


Lord help them, the fans in Ohio just aren’t that bright.

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The Scamp vs. The Tramp #voteearlyvoteoften.jpg