• Mark Joseph

FBCU teller fired for continually ignoring "not a drain" sign on water cooler


Freedom Bluff hairstylist, Julie Bowers, shows her disappointment after finding out her husband is the dumbest son of a bitch in America
Freedom Bluff hairstylist, Julie Bowers, shows her disappointment after finding out her husband is the dumbest son of a bitch in America

A teller for Freedom Bluff Credit Union, Josh Bowers, was fired last week for not following the rules and, in the words of FBCU president Jake Sanchell, "For being a fucking idiot."


According to Mr. Sanchell and everyone else who works at FBCU, Bowers had a habit of pouring his unwanted water into the minuscule reservoir near the middle of the water cooler that clearly has only one purpose: catching spilled water.


One of Bowers' coworkers, Andy Hollercraft, was even more direct than his boss. "Do you know why everyone knows it's not a drain? Because every water cooler in the world has a fucking sign above the reservoir that says, 'NOT A DRAIN!' And do you know why every water cooler in the world has that sign? Because most people are fucking morons!"


Another coworker, Helen Stugart, was more 'artistic' in her account of daily events. "I don't understand why the hell didn't he just drink the water? It's in a tiny little Dixie Cup. It's not even big enough to hold my husband's semen. Trust me. He's fifty. There isn't much pressure left in that water hose. I never know if what he just dropped on my chest was from that night or a week earlier."


When asked for comment, Bowers deferred to his wife. "I don't what to tell you. He's a fucking idiot. The only thing I can think of is it's because he's from Ohio."