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  • Sally Lipshank

Spott to redesign city council chambers into shape of a vagina


A stranger outside the Freedom Bluff Senior Living Center and Crematorium refuses to let us take a picture of her clothed vagina.
A stranger outside the Freedom Bluff Senior Living Center and Crematorium refuses to let us take a picture of her clothed vagina

Speaking at the Freedom Bluff Senior Living Center and Crematorium, mayoral challenger Gina Spott unveiled a bold plan to upgrade city council chambers.


"For too long, women have stood in the shadow of men. We've sat in their chairs. Sometimes on top of them. Sometimes underneath them. We've done what they've asked us to do, even if it meant aggravating our back spasms or irritating an underlying venereal condition. We've done everything for them in the name of our vaginas. Well it's time to stop pretending. Men just want to see vaginas. That's why, if I'm elected mayor of this beautiful city, I'll let them sit inside our metallurgical* vaginas. On day one of my administration, I will have the council chambers redesigned and shaped into a vagina."


Reaction among the residents who were in attendance seemed to be mostly positive.


Eighty-three-year-old Stan Katansky wanted to know how authentic the new look would be. "Will there be a clitoris? And can I sit on it?"


Seventy-four-year-old Jane Oldman was more interested in the story behind the new design. "Will the chambers be a virgin or a slut? What will the hymen look like?"


It is unclear if Spott heard the questions, as she was posing for pictures with one of the orderlies.


Katansky and Oldman were the only residents who were awake after Spott's speech.


*When asked for clarification, Ms. Spott's director of social media and apparel, Gloria Holay, told us that while the candidate might have meant to say metaphorical, vaginas are also like magnets for men.

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The Scamp vs. The Tramp #voteearlyvoteoften.jpg