• Mark Joseph

Google searches for ayahuasca jump 50000% after Rodgers credits the drug for MVP awards

Brothers Dominick and George Periwinkle go on a bender after realizing you have be good a football too
Brothers Dominick and George Periwinkle go on a bender after realizing ayahuasca doesn't make the man. The man makes ayahuasca. Also, the man doesn't live in his parent's basement.

Green Bay, Wisconsin—NFL zen master and head douchebag Aaron Rodgers shocked the sports world this week when he gave credit for his last two MVP seasons to a South American hallucinogen no one has ever heard of.

Move over Sleepytime tea.

Schedule I drug ayahuasca is the new wave of the future.

Speaking on Aubrey Marcus' Podcast, aptly named The Aubrey Marcus Podcast, Rodgers said a bunch of weird shit that you'll never hear Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Terry Bradshaw, Troy Aikman, or John Elway say. Most of the conversation between Rodgers and Marcus involved a lot of words and Rodgers didn't specify whether he snorted, smoked, shot, drank, or rammed the drug up his butthole. However, none of that matters to mere mortal men. What matters is that they are dumb enough to believe that a word they can't pronounce is responsible for Rodgers winning the NFL MVP award two years in a row.

Google issued a statement shortly after the podcast was released.

"We are in absolute shock. Our top search of the day always includes a Kardashian. Today, Aaron Rodgers didn't just break the internet, he became it. Searches for his new party appetizer, ayahuasca, combined with flight inquiries to Peru, slowed our galaxy of networks to a crawl. We would imagine that passport centers across the United States will be affected as well."

When asked why Rodgers will not be subject to discipline under the NFL's drug policy, Commissioner Roger Goodell asked and answered his own question.

"Do I have to fucking spell it out for you? He's white."