• Todd Beacon

Homeless residents now outnumber those who have homes in Los Angeles


Kim Kardashian's handyman sands 2 x 4s before boarding up one of her billions of windows
Kim Kardashian's handyman sands 2 x 4s before boarding up one of her billions of windows

Los Angeles, California–Homelessness has won in Los Angeles. The latest figures show that over six million of the city’s twelve million residents are now living on a street, in an alley, in a car, or on top of a storage unit roof.


When asked how this could have happened, Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti blamed himself.


“Let’s face it, I suck at this job. Why the hell they keep electing me is a fucking mystery. But whatever. The people want what they want. Also, though, I blame the Kardashians. They’ve got so much fucking money, they just keep buying properties. Then they kick everyone out and board up the windows.”


Kim Kardashian wouldn’t respond to our email for comment. The intern to her assistant to her assistant’s assistant, however, did send a text message.


“It’s kind of like when you were a kid and you wanted to play with a Barbie, but you knew your Barbie wanted friends and boyfriends. So you bought more Barbies. Then you either bought a Ken or a G.I. Joe. Then you bought all of the accessories, like combs, cars, and dresses. Then you needed somewhere to put all of that stuff. Look, Kim is a very busy woman and she doesn’t have time to worry about other people’s problems. If people want to live in a house or an apartment, they should just pay more than she can.”


Update: After this article was published, Kardashian’s following on Instagram increased by two million.