The Scamp vs. The Tramp #voteearlyvoteoften.jpg
  • Carol Tannenbaum

House passes law to ban cancer. Senate to vote next week.


Nancy Pelosi and her daughter, Christine, take a selfie with a statue that looks eerily similar to KFC's Colonel Sanders
Nancy Pelosi and her daughter, Christine, take a selfie with a statue that looks eerily similar to KFC's Colonel Sanders

Washington, D.C.—"It's about damn time!"


No, Lizzo didn't perform in our nation's capital this week. Those were the first words uttered by New York Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez after the U.S. House of Representatives voted along party lines, 220-211, to ban all cancers, foreign and domestic.


Florida Senator Marco Rubio was incensed by the democrats audacity.


"Do they have any idea how many jobs they're putting in jeopardy? I'm not just talking about doctors. What about the nurses? The janitors? The volunteers who dress up in those attractive outfits? Seriously. No cancer? Hospitals will have to close. If this passes in the Senate and Boppa signs it into law, it will be a disaster."


Speaker of the House, California Rep. Nancy Pelosi, claimed that this successful vote was the pinnacle achievement of her career. "We have saved so many lives today. It just goes to show you that laws can do anything. With today's vote, we have proven to the world that America will not tolerate cancer. It's a beautiful day to be an American. God bless the U.S.A. and God bless me for being such an amazing leader."


When asked for comment, former President Donald Trump said, "Doesn't this mean that all of the democrats are banned from living? They're all cancers to society. Nancy Pelosi finally got something right. The wrinkled up hag banned herself. Doesn't matter, though. Governor Loathsome will just appoint someone worse to replace her."


Sources say that the House will ride their momentum next week and begin debate on a bill to ban being mean to people unless they don't agree with you.

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The Scamp vs. The Tramp #voteearlyvoteoften.jpg