• Todd Beacon

Jada Pinkett-Smith executes order 66

Jada Pinkett-Smith looks on as her husband embarrases Muhammed Ali's memory
Jada Pinkett-Smith looks on as her husband embarrases Muhammed Ali's memory

Los Angeles, California–In a move that has dominatrix groups on Facebook giddy with pleasure, Jada Pinkett Smith had her husband, Will Smith, bitch-slap comedian Chris Rock at the Oscars on Sunday night.

While doing what he does best (pissing people off), Rock eviscerated Pinkett-Smith’s ego by making fun of her hair. A body-shaming joke is, of course, a foolishly bold move for any comedian. However, telling a hair joke about a woman who suffers from alopecia and controls a man who trained like Muhammad Ali is like sticking your finger into a nine-month-old’s mouth. Skin is going to get broken.

On camera, Mr. Smith appeared to enjoy Rock’s joke. At the same time, however, Mrs. Pinkett-Smith could be seen rolling her eyes. Off camera, witnesses say that Pinkett-Smith kicked her husband in the nuts, and whispered, “Bitch, are you just going to sit there and laugh while that man talks to me like that?”

Seconds later, Mr. Smith was strolling up the stage like an old man who isn’t sure if the pressure he’s feeling is from a fart or a poop. Then shit hit the fan. But it was more like a tiny nugget no bigger than a grape. You would think that a man who trained and lived like the greatest fighter ever would have brought a stronger game. Aside from the fact that no punch was thrown (a massive disappointment), Smith showed no power, he stood on his heels, and he didn’t turn his hips.

Part of a statement released by Ali’s estate read, “While we don’t condone violence, we expect violence to be violent. What Mr. Smith did tonight was an affront to Muhammed’s legacy. The champ floated like a butterfly and stung like a bee. He didn’t waddle with constipation and slap like a second-grade bitch who had his pencil stolen.”