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  • Sonny Soderberg

Mayor Corkenburger holds gun buyback event. Uses his own funds. Takes guns home.


Timmy "The Nuisance" Crenshaw refuses to allow his face to be photographed. Police say he's just a fat kid who likes to shoot Nerf guns at passing cars. His mother says Nerf guns are a gateway.
Timmy "The Nuisance" Crenshaw refuses to allow his face to be photographed. Police say he's just a fat kid who likes to shoot Nerf guns at passing cars. His mother says Nerf guns are a gateway.

In what is considered to be a first in Freedom Bluff (aside from Carver Canterberry setting up shop in front of Freedom Bluff Donuts every Saturday morning), Mayor "Corky" Corkenburger held a gun buyback event on his next-door neighbor's front porch yesterday afternoon.


Using his own money, Corkenburger purchased four AR-15s, two Ruger GP100s, one Kel-Tec PMR-30, and a box of Nerf bullets.


"I am so pleased with the turnout today," he told a crowd of supporters. "These guns will never be used by their owners to commit another crime again. And thank you to Timmy "The Nuisance" Crenshaw for bringing his box of Nerf bullets. Judging from the look on his face, I have a feeling Timmy's presence here isn't voluntary. Nevertheless, I'm sure the rest of the Crenshaw clan is breathing a sigh of relief."


When asked what he planned to do with guns, Mayor Corkenburger was terse. "I'll do whatever the hell I want to do with them. This is America. I question whether or not you even have the right to ask that. Every one knows number two trumps number one."


When asked why he sold a Ruger and an AR-15 to Corkenburger, William Carthage told us, "Casings from those guns are probably in every federal data base you can think of. Why the hell do you think I scratched off the serial numbers? Ain't no paperwork here. Those peashooters are Corky's problem now."


Timmy Crenshaw was less enthusiastic.


"Fucking fuckface motherfuckers. I'm going on YouTube to learn how to make a potato gun."


Board your windows, Freedom Bluff. Timmy is pissed.

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The Scamp vs. The Tramp #voteearlyvoteoften.jpg