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  • Sonny Soderberg

Mickey Mouse to Gov. DeSantis - "We're not going anywhere, bitch!"


Mickey and Mini Mouse yell at paparazzi from their luxury mansion after a booze-filled night with Snow White and Elsa
Mickey and Mini Mouse yell at paparazzi from their luxury mansion after a booze-filled night with Snow White and Elsa

Orlando, Florida–With Mini, Goofy, and The Brave Little Toaster by his side, Mickey Mouse vilified Florida Governor Ron DeSantis during a press conference this afternoon.


“Governor DeFuckface can suck my tiny little mouse dick. If he thinks the State of Florida is going to come up in here and start shit on Disney property he’s got another thing coming. Walt told me on his deathbed that he didn’t want anyone but me making the rules around here. That’s exactly what the fuck I’m going to do. I am Disney law. Starting today, Goofy and Toaster are going to be working security. They’ve been instructed to put a cap in anyone from the government’s ass who tries to roll up on them. In addition, as soon as The Little Mermaid gets back from the Bahamas, I’m putting her on night patrol. That bitch will sing all night long. 24 motherfucking 7 if she has too.”


At the end of the presser, Mini Mouse was asked what she thought about Mickey’s newfound anger.


“Well, first of all, the only one who’s going to be sucking Mickey’s tiny little mouse dick is me. If I catch Governor DeFuckface going down on him, they’re both going to be losing more than teeth. As far as my mouseman's anger, frankly it’s sexy. He knows I like it when he gets rough.”


The Governor’s office released a statement in response.


“If it were Speedy Gonzales or Jerry, we might give a shit. Those two are some creative little fuckers. Mickey Mouse? The Governor will take his chances.”

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The Scamp vs. The Tramp #voteearlyvoteoften.jpg