My dog keeps throwing up in his crate
I have a gorgeous eight-year-old cocker spaniel named Ed. He’s a good boy. I tell him so every day. I know he understands what I’m saying because he barks every time I tell him. He’s very obedient. He doesn’t jump on the table and eat my napkins like my last dog, Jimmy. He never pees or poops in the house. He does like to eat towels, though. Sometimes he has trouble passing a towel when he’s doing his business outside, and I have to pull it out of his butthole. I can live with that. What I can’t live with is the fact that he keeps throwing up in his crate. I have to clean his little house and give him a bath every day.
Dog Lover in Ohio
Dear Dog Lover,
First of all, you need to move. Ohio is a hell hole. Second, tap into your creative side and come up with some better fucking dog names. Ed and Jimmy aren’t even good human names. As far as your dog understanding what you’re saying, has it ever occurred to you that he’s barking “Fuck you” when you have a conversation with him? Did it also ever occur to you to stop leaving towels within his reach? Maybe if you do, you won’t have to continue to assist him in his anal activities. Your throw up in the crate issue is very easy to solve. Stop putting him in the fucking crate.
If you have mental deficiencies that won't allow you to handle even the simplest of problems, send an email to DearTDS@thisdogstinks.com. We'll be sure to thoroughly fuck you up more.