• Sonny Soderberg

My son keeps testing positive for marijuana

God's greatest creation awaits its buyer
God's greatest creation awaits its buyer

Dear TDS,

My sixteen-year-old son is a good boy. He gets good grades, has a job, and is very helpful around the house. The only problem I have with him is that I can’t get him to stop smoking marijuana. I’m not too worried about the smoking itself. I partake in the guilty pleasure every once in a while. I’m worried about where he’s getting it. If he isn’t careful, he could get a bag that’s laced with fentanyl or something worse. I also don’t like that he smokes it alone.

Relaxed in Idaho

Dear Relaxed,

The fact that your son has a job is irrelevant. Harvey Weinstein owned his own business and he’s the poster boy for scumbags. Just so you know, fentanyl is the worst possible thing that marijuana could be laced with. Just ask all of the dead people. Have you considered simply giving the gateway drug to your son or putting him in touch with your own dealer? You could also bond with him by growing it together. We know a guy who can hook you up with some great seeds.

There’s nothing wrong with smoking by yourself, but if you’re worried about it, why don’t you ask the parent’s of your son’s friends if it’s okay that they join him? They’ll probably understand your concerns and send their kids over for a free bowl. You can also invite him to one of your own smoking parties.


If you have mental deficiencies that won't allow you to handle even the simplest of problems, send an email to DearTDS@thisdogstinks.com. We'll be sure to thoroughly fuck you up more.