N.Y. Mayor Eric Adams buses homeless residents to Texas
Austin, Texas—New York City Mayor Eric Adams has found a way to jab his talking stick into the spokes of Texas Governor Greg Abbott's wheels. Just a little after 8 A.M. on Monday, a bus carrying seventy-three homeless people from New York City arrived in front of the Texas State Capitol, courtesy of Adams.
"We can make his migrants for our homeless all day long, if that's what Governor Abbott wants," Adams told reporters. "I picked some top-of-the-line transients for Texas. None of them have held a job for five years. They all know how to start a fire in a barrel. Most of them can break a window with a brick. And some just like to start shit with people who are on their way to work."
While most of the people who got off the bus seemed happy with their new base of operations, a few wondered if it wouldn't be smarter to go back to New York.
"Why the fuck is it so hot?" Stanley Kubiak asked the bus driver. "It was eighty fucking degrees at Yankee Stadium yesterday. This shit feels like hell. Are we in Texas and did some motherfucker drag my ass to Satan's castle?"
Another rider, Louise Armdale, simply wanted to know where the nearest Starbucks was located. "They have the best WI-FI and I can shit for free."
Governor Abbott seemed to be impressed with Adams' move.
Adams didn't seem fazed by the Governor's threat.
Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot is rumored to be paying attention to the fight between Abbott and Adams. Sources say she is considering asking Green Bay to send a bus full of actual football players to Chicago.