• Sally Lipshank

Packers take Brett Favre in 4th round of NFL Draft

Aaron Rodgers younger, douchey self
Aaron Rodgers younger, douchey self

Las Vegas, Nevada–In what is considered to be a bad year for quarterbacks in the draft, the Green Bay Packers created quite a splash with the 140th pick by taking their former signal caller and welfare thief extraordinaire, Brett Favre.

“It just made sense,” Green Bay GM Brian Gutekunst said. “When you look at this quarterback class, my God. It makes you want to throw up. The one guy I’ve heard of has a hand smaller than my son’s dick. Brett Favre may limp when he sits, but he can still sling it.”

After cracking open a Bud Light and swallowing a couple of pills that eerily resembled the size and shape of an 80 mg Oxycontin pill, he continued.

“I know what y'all are thinking. What about Rodgers? Aaron ‘Zen Master’ Rodgers. The MVP. Let me ask you guys something? How many Super Bowl rings does he have? One. That’s right, one. The same number that Brett has. I’m going to tell you a little secret. I know there’s only ten of you in here right now, but I can see at least twenty-five of you. I might be counting that hot little number in the back twice, though.”

As he winked at a poster of Aidan Hutchinson, security whisked him away.

Later in the day, the Packers reluctantly held a news conference with Favre and Rodgers via Zoom.

Favre was all smiles, while his old teammate held up his middle fingers and pretended that he couldn’t hear anything. A man in a yoga suit could be seen standing behind Rodgers, stroking the quarterback’s man bun with his pinkies.