• Mark Joseph

Tell us you're an Ohio State fan by not saying you're an Ohio State Fan


Lou Zer of Columbus, Ohio smiles after receiving his GED from the Marietta Educational Treatment House (METH)
Lou Zer of Columbus, Ohio smiles after receiving his GED from the Marietta Educational Treatment House (METH)

People have a way of telling us who they are without admitting to it. Cold-blooded murderer Alec Baldwin is the poster boy for nonspecific, verbal confirmation of identity (NSVCI). Everyone knows he's a douchebag, but he never says he's a douchebag. He just says and does vomit-inducing douchey things, which is why he does an impressive impersonation of Donald Trump. With that being said...Fuck Ohio!


Ohio State Fan


"Hang on a second, let me put the baby's crib mattress in the bed of my truck."


"I quit drinking, but they rehired me the next day."


"I keep an empty Mountain Dew bottle next to my bed, so I don't gotta get up to pee in the middle of the night."


"My tooth ain't missing, it's in my pocket."


"Ma ain't gonna be back for a while. At least that's what the judge said."


"The man told me to take four rights. All that did was get me back to where I started."


"The only way we're going to win is if we score more points than them."


"The only thing bad about incest is that my mother knows all the secrets I tell my sister."


"Math don't make no sense. If I take two away from two, I've still got the the two I took."


"My girlfriend ain't a prostitute for money. She gets paid in roses and diamonds."


"Daddy wouldn't let me marry my boyfriend 'cause he's from Michigan, so we eloped."


"How was I supposed to know he was dead? He didn't say anything."


"The shitter's broken, but I left you a bucket behind the trailer."


"I would have gone to Michigan, but..."