Yankees Brian Cashman trades his penis for Nationals Juan Soto
New York, New York–In a move that has stunned the sports world, New York Yankees General Manager and Senior Vice President, Brian Cashman, traded his penis for Washington Nationals right fielder, Juan Soto.
After having the only surviving member of his manhood removed, Cashman told nurses, "Hal Steinbrenner told me he was going to cut my dick off if we don't win the World Series this year, so I figured I might as well give this a try. It's not like my wife uses it anyway."
When asked for comment, Steinbrenner laughed. "I want you to know that every pun you can think of is meant when I tell you this: I didn't think he had the balls to do it. And for the record, yes, I was serious when I told him I would cut his dick off if we don't win the World Series. I don't know if his balls mean anything to him, but that's what I'm taking if I'm not holding the Commissioner's Trophy in my sweaty-ass palms come November."
Cashman's counterpart in Washington, Mike Rizzo, issued a terse statement after the trade was completed. "An for an eye. A tooth for a tooth. A dick for a dick. It's all the same to me."